I've kind of lost touch with the once-booming world of Xanga! A lot has happened between the lines of the previous entry and now.
Autumn has arrived once again. Ahhhh...my most favorite and delicious season of the year!! I am drinking it in; my very soul feels wedded to it! Autumn is a welcomed change for me. This summer has been quite a journey. At one point, I would have claimed it to be the most trying of all summers. After a rough couple weeks, starting into my last semester of nursing in May, and a very negative experience with an instructor, I was failed on the clinical level. During that time, I was facing a lot of criticism, and was literally & directly slammed in my stand for Christian faith, and the values I choose to believe in.
To have an instructor discourage you from going into the only field of nursing you've ever felt is really you--[the field of labor & delivery nursing], because she doesn't think you'll ever make it...is a little tough.
To hear a supervisor tell you that you need "to change your view of ministry", after expressing that nursing is more to me than just a job, but a ministry...feels like a slap in the face.
To find myself being one of the only ones verbally fighting for Truth, in a class discussion on ethics, whether it is right or wrong 'to take your life'; To be openly made fun of all year by classmates, because of a stand for purity, beliefs and lifestyle...

What is happening in our society??!!

All this to say...how do you find the will of God in the midst of failure, in the midst of being opposed for your faith? How do you sense when He is leading you to keep going, not giving up, and choosing to try something difficult again in faith that God is leading...or to quit because it might not be what i was cut out for, it might not be "my heart".
Well, here I am continuing on with school. [Some days I feel crazy]. But I am learning a whole lot more on this journey than what I would ever have bargained for. No, It might not feel like I'm "following my heart". But the Lord has been strengthening my faith tremendously. I'm realizing that suffering following boldness for His sake, is an honor. Not because I know how to suffer well, [If anything, it shows me how little I truly know about it!] but because It draws me to the heart of God, where He reveals to me a true picture of His love, and how unworthy & honored I am to be a recipient of it! & I have such a burden for my classmates, that they would come to know this LOVE.
"...The fire of His love burns with a violent flame, stronger than death, more powerful than the grave. The touch of that reality invigorates and heals, gives vision and faith, satisfies longings and calls me to realize the destiny of my life, to know why I was created in the first place..." [An excerpt from the book, "Bridal Intercession", by Gary Wiens]
I've really been thinking a lot about this whole, "follow your heart" thing. I do believe God is a God of desire, and He gives us longings/dreams for a reason. But I think Christians in today's society tend to overrate that whole aspect just a bit. We don't venture into something, unless it's what WE feel we'd like, or make us feel good. The Bible doesn't necessarily talk about following your heart...but it does say to 'guard' it, and allow Christ to be the center of it. I think we need to have a greater understanding & desire to fulfill God's heart, and that means embracing the reality that sometimes, His will may not "feel like our heart", because It's not about us. It's about His glory, and being surrendered may mean being open to a different path than what we've always expected. It might not be easy. But in that is true fulfillment, if it's where God is calling us, & I believe God brings joy in that...in His will. In the end that's what matters--not whether we "felt" it was our calling or not! He will reward our faith. It's a promise.
Since my new semester began, God has really blessed me with some wonderful classmates, & opened up some doors of opportunity for sharing Christ. A classmate told me the other day, "You just glow so much!! You are flawless!! What is your secret??!" WOW!! If anyone would be unqualified to hear that, it would be me, because nursing school has been one of the hardest things I've ever done. And I haven't always felt like my heart has been here in this field. It's not fun most of the time. But that was another confirmation to me that just because something feels gruesome and tough, it doesn't mean we've missed the will of God! So if you're in a hard place, don't feel you've missed it completely. Keep seeking His heart, because there is something beautiful happening through it all...both now, and on the other side of eternity.

"Never lag in zeal and earnest endeavor; be aglow and burning with the Spirit, serving the Lord." [Romans 12: 11]

"[After all] the kingdom of God is not a matter of getting the food and drink one likes, but instead it is righteousness [that state which makes a person acceptable to God] and heart peace and joy in the Holy Spirit." [Romans 14:17]

"For the story and message of the cross is sheer absurdity and folly to those who are perishing and on their way to perdition, but to those of us who are being saved, it is the [manifestation of] the power of God." [1 Cor. 1:18]

JFB <><


Glorious Autumn!

It is absolutely:
WONDERFUL.
PHENOMENAL.
RELIEVING.
REFRESHING.
HOPE-STIRRING.
INVIGORATING.
ENCOURAGING...
To be
FINISHED
With TWO out of three levels of my Nursing Program!!!!!!!
Finishing our final exam today, and being greeted with the vibrance of
SPRING SUNSHINE & BLOSSOMS outside made me feel like all of
NATURE was celebrating with our class!!
I shall be ENJOYING every moment of this blissful
FREEDOM
the next two weeks...
Many good times ahead, finally having
QUALITY TIME
for people & projects around me!
I am a HAPPY LASS!!!!
-TYL-

Ps: I am mourning the loss of my camera lens, who passed away yesterday. 'She' will be greatly missed over the next four weeks, in her state of solitude & repairment. *Sniff*

Sometimes it doesn't take something drastic to make your day.
Or to remind you that He truly cares, in a personal way. In Nursing school, even the slightest hint of happiness mixed in with a busy day, is enough to keep you going.
Sometimes the love of Jesus is just a word away. Or a hug away. Or a worship song away. Well I know that any way He chooses to reveal it, it has added a great deal of refreshment to my life.

Sometimes I feel like more than anything I've been learning, It's that Nursing school and practice is meant for so much more than mere, intellectual knowledge. It is painfully illuminating my weaknesses, my lack of trust...my inadequacies & insufficiency. It's exposing my fears, & re-routing my opinions of what I thought to be a successful life. It's testing me to the core, on my willingness to lay down my hopes, plans & dreams. Sometimes my response to God's will & where He is leading me, is a long time in coming.

And still, God is willing to meet me here. Loving me. Just as I am.

LOVE...arrives in different faces and in different forms than I would ever have expected. It comes through the face of patients I meet in a hospital bed. A father or a mother- struggling to make it past the painful & lonely days. It comes through the smile of the gentleman I took care of, who asked if I could put my stethoscope in his ears, just so he could listen to his own heartbeat...and the smile that broke out across his face afterward. Love comes through the patient, who's gone through so much, several surgeries, so much pain- yet still leaned over and said to me; "You'll make a good nurse." Love comes through other nurses- another Christian that I'm convinced God placed in my life, on the same clinical shift. A woman who encouraged me to press on through the hard times, through the difficult environment...& prayed for me before I left.
Love...comes in the form of beautiful women at church, who've cared enough to ask how things are going, and cheer me on. Through Christian friends and family who've sacrificed their time to pray for me.
Love has come, through beautiful times of worship in His Presence. When life and nothing else makes sense, worship has a soothing, healing effect on the soul.

I guess it all sums up to the fact, that I cannot do this alone. I've seen the power of prayer, and the long way that encouragement can go. And I am realizing that being a nurse is about so much more than passing tests, or having a wealth of knowledge. It goes beyond performing my first catheter, or giving my first injection...doing a wound dressing, or passing meds. The Christian nurse that I met in the hospital, was full-to-overflowing with LOVE. Christ's love. It was contagious. And THAT, is the heart of nursing. It's been more fulfilling than I imagined.

Sometimes the calling is awakened long after you've embarked on the journey of God's will.

I still don't know where Nursing will lead me. Or why I am here. But I want to hold my dreams loosely, because true fulfillment comes in embracing GOD'S plan; GOD'S dreams for me.

Sometimes love is just a person away. Are you that person, that someone is desperately waiting for?

Sometimes it doesn't take something drastic to make someone's day.

JFB